Semen Foeniculi Pellit Spiracula Culi

A text-o-graphic odyssey, by your humble and rarely blogging blogger narrator person.

"Sing to me! Tell me the tale of Malaysian Mint Curry." Thus speaketh every one of the two people who occasionally stumble upon this blog! Verily will I oblige!

But first, I must make an effort to admonish, to warn, to ward off your attempts to follow me down the lonely road of curry! Venture not down the path of creation lest thou be brave, lest thou art determined, lest you be possessed of great patience! For mine is a tale, not only of triumph, but also of tribulation. Not only of love, but the onerous burdens its maintenance rests upon your foolish, feeble shoulders.

On Sunday, July 15, 2012, I set out to make a mint curry dish I found on allrecipes.com. The recipe can be found here: http://allrecipes.com/recipe/azalinas-mint-curry/detail.aspx?event8=1&prop24=SR_Title&e11=mint%20curry&e8=Quick%20Search&event10=1&e7=Home%20Page

Our tale of want, woe, success, and joy begins at 5:45 p.m.

I arrived home. I went forthwith to my counter of many spices.

I begin by boiling a half cup of water. While it reaches a boil, I slice open 10 crushed red chilis and remove the seeds. These, I place in the boiling water, there to soak in hellish temperatures for 30 minutes.

While the chilis soak, I prepare all of my other ingredients. I grate coconut. I set out pre-powdered coriander and cumin. I measure out fennel seeds. I cut lemon grass, crush garlic, chop shallots! I peel and chop fresh ginger and turmeric roots. I measure out star anise pods, cardamom pods, cloves, salt, and set two cinnamon sticks on my cutting board. I chop up a half cup of fresh mint leaves, which, incidentally, I had to go to three grocery stores to obtain.

Around this time, I decided to photographically document my efforts. Here, my narrative will become much more clipped for, as all know, a picture is worth a thousand words.

Toast the coconut!

Toast the coriander, cumin, and fennel seeds.

Puree the coconut, fennel, coriander, and cumin with chili oil.

Blend shallots, chilis, lemongrass, garlic, ginger, and tumeric into a curry paste, using water as necessary.

Heat some oil, and add the anise, cardamom, cinnamon, cloves and mint stems in it. Remove spices. Cook the curry paste.

Add chicken.

Add coconut milk. Bring the curry to a boil. Reduce heat. Allow to simmer for 1 hour.

Allow to simmer for one hour?

ONE HOUR?!?

Wash dishes.

Put away unused spices.

Juice a lime.

Juice two limes.

Juice all the limes you want! You're stuck here for an hour! Heheheghahaha!

Recover from lime madness. Slip into mint depression. Wonder "when will I get to add this mint I spent three hours finding over the last two days?"

Fuck it. Have a scotch. 

Add the mint and some water, stir, and serve or store.

Wake up the following morning. Take a shower. Repeatedly wash your hands. Fail to cleanse the yellow stained nails of the damned!

Serve over mixed rice. Eat. Remember why you love curry. This dish is truly magnificent.

 Such is the life of a curry making fiend.

"Semen foeniculi pellit spiracula culi" (the title) is a Latin saying that means "the fennel seeds make blow the arsehole."